Saturday, November 22, 2014

Girl Talk: Where is our women of strength?

I sometimes watch The Wendy Show in the mornings. And I have to say, the way Wendy is talking about women scares me, especially the way she is talking about her own gender. As a feminist who believes that women should have every chance in life to do something positive for this world, I think that some have taken the idea of freedom of women and taken it far from what it should be. Scrolling through social media and seeing my fellow women treating themselves and each other with disrespect, cheapening themselves and their own sex, has me concerned. So I would like to address a few things.

What is a woman of strength?

Here are some definitions by other people:
Proverbs 31
A woman who can handle herself and doesn't need a man.
A woman of God.
Strong enough to bend, but not break.
A Zena warrior princess.
Secure in her faith.

Ladies, are we being women of strength?
So many women think of Proverbs 31 but few actually apply it to their lives. And that is because a woman of strength that this book of the bible speaks about is "more precious than rubies"; essentially- rare. Reading through Proverbs 31, these are some questions that face me because this is exactly what the good book says: In our relationships, are we bringing good, not harm? Are we bringing all we have to where God has put us? Are we energetic and happy about life to show God's strength despite our weaknesses? Do we laugh without fear of the future? Do we speak only wise words? Do we give instructions with kindness? Do we withhold from laziness? Are we God-fearing women who live our lives for His glory, not ours?
I see a lack of strength in our gender today. And today I would like to point out a few things that I see my generation of women struggling with.

Your worth is not determined by the presence of a significant other. 

I've been there. Seeing happy people in love can be a slap in the face when you want something like that to make you happy as well. However, having a man does not affect the amount of happiness that YOU can control. In fact, waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad. 

I also see women who cannot function without being in a relationship. And the only thing that I can think about that is: How do you know who you truly are if you only know yourself in the context of another person?
For my ladies who have been in 2 or more different relationships in the past year, give it a rest. 
Take some time to put up a boundary to dating and date yourself for awhile. It might be interesting what you learn and in time could help you be the better person for your future mate.

Your body is a temple.

It is a problem in today's culture for women to give it up to the first man who offers to take it. And I'm begging my sisters-- hold off. There's a quote from Charlie Chaplin that I quite adore: "Your naked body should belong only to those who fall in love with your naked soul."

There is a problem when women wear little to nothing and then complain about being a sex item. I have seen this topic debated-- some disagree with this statement because they believe it promotes a rape-culture, saying that it is completely the man's fault in a situation where a woman is used for sex. While in an action of rape, it is that man's fault for doing something so horrendous--- BUT, there is a matter of common sense and protection that women should keep in mind just because there are predators out there and there are men who see sexually appealing women and use them for sex. Heres the thing- if you don't want to be used for sex, then don't portray yourself as if you want to be used for sex. And for you ladies struggling with the idea that the only way you can get a man is through sex, know that Cinderella did not have to take off her dress to get her prince, and neither do you.
Cover up the ta-ta's, wear a longer skirt, walk with your head held high like you are sexy because you ARE sexy and you will be sexy for a man who thinks YOUR HEART AND SOUL is sexy, not just your body. In the same way you want a man to treat your body with respect, treat YOUR OWN body with respect because it IS a temple.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Respecting your own body includes eating the right things, taking care of your body, saving intimacy for the man who will see you naked for the rest of your life, and acting like your body is a sacred thing because guess what? It is.

Stop being a victim.

Continuing from my last subject, it is not cute to act like a victim, a casualty, a loser, a fool. 
We complain, we whine, we cry about stupid stuff. I mean, it is. Stupid stuff. We play the role of the victim in every slightly difficult situation we are placed in and get angry when someone finds us unworthy, unwanted, ill-prepared, undeserving, or unqualified because we allowed ourselves to become prey.
I haven't heard it much better than this:
"Stop crying about being a doormat and get the heck off the floor."

If you're in a bad situation, find a way to get out of it.
If you're in a bad mood, find a way to be put in a good one.
If you're in a bad relationship, LEAVE.
You are not a victim, you are a woman with power.
Pick yourself up and get back onto the road of success.

Social media is not the place to display your womanly inner struggles.

Sadly, social media has become a place where a lot of us women outwardly display our self-victimized thoughts.
Look, I'm an advocate for positive words. I know we all have hard times and just want to let everyone know how bad life sucks but social media simply is not the place for that. Complaining about our problems, grumbling about that person that we don't like, laying out the dirty wash of what that person did-- that is not meant for social media. It was not meant to come out of your mouth at all.
You want to be honest with people, you say? Show your true self?
Honesty is NOT an emotional spewing. Your honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. You can be honest with how you feel and still misinterpret what is true.
REAL HONESTY is asking the Holy Spirit to show you the real truth.
So don't be so-called "honest" with your Facebook followers before consulting your Savior.
James 3:17 says 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
Lets be peace-loving and considerate on social media, eh? And not so negative nancy. Nobody likes those.

You're feeling ugly today? So lets take a picture and complain about your looks?

Here's what I'm seeing: too many girls want attention, not enough want respect.
Beauty is respecting yourself.
Beauty is respecting a creation of God.
There is humility in beauty.
There is acceptance in beauty.
There is contentment in beauty.
Before posting a selfie and leaving a commentary about what you think of yourself, think about how you want to be seen- by primarily God, then by the population who needs a Godly woman.
You are beautiful when you know what real beauty is. And thats something you have to learn on your own time.

Saying you love yourself and acting like you love yourself are two completely different things. And acting like you love yourself often has a negative connotation. Something is seriously wrong with this.

Some people believe that loving yourself means you can look in the mirror and think "Wow, look how hot I am" and while having an acceptance and respect of self-image is important, there is simply more to loving yourself.
Sometimes I get up and go buy myself some thing that I can't afford so that I can say that I "love myself" enough to spoil myself and I've come to realize that its wrong.
Loving myself is not spoiling myself. Loving myself is not telling myself that I'm hotter than everybody else or taking the time to make myself look better.
There is an action involved in loving yourself.

And there is 7 letters that go along with that:

You speak like you love yourself.
You eat like you love yourself.
You move like you love yourself.
You post on Facebook like you love yourself.
You update your Snapchat story like you love yourself.

Respect goes two ways- you respect yourself, you respect others.
If you respect yourself, you will speak in a respectful manner.
If you respect yourself, you will eat food that respects your body.
If you respect yourself, you will walk in a respectful manner, head held high, not defeated.
If you respect yourself, you will post respectful things on Facebook.
If you respect yourself, the same goes for Snapchat or Twitter or Instagram.

Loving yourself comes when you learn what it means to respect yourself.

We have a problem of making everything more complicated than it should be. 

Females are known for it.
Example A) Angela told Charlene that she heard Joan cheated on her husband, now Charlene doesn't like Joan because she took Angela's word for it. Joan wonders why Charlene doesn't talk to her and asks Angela and Angela accuses Joan of immorality, Joan assumes Charlene told Angela something and harbors bad feelings towards Charlene, Angela now believes Charlene twisted her words to make Joan angry at her so Angela harbors bad feelings toward Charlene. Joan never cheated on her husband, Charlene never twisted Angela's words, and Angela's words were twisted from the get-go.

This is obviously an exaggerated situation that makes absolutely no sense but can I get an AMEN when I say us women speak absolutely no sense half the time???
I'm just going to simply say: Lets stop complicating uncomplicated situations.

And so, I will end with this:

Here is some "Girl Talk" from a good man's point of view, ladies:

"They treat themselves as a piece of meat with no self respect. In my opinion, being content with who you are, skinny or fat, is attractive. Knowing your self worth is attractive. God made everyone beautiful in His image. He is perfect and He makes perfect creations in their own perfectly imperfect way."

You are a perfect creation with imperfect tendencies and while our lives will never be perfect, we are called to a high standard. For those of us who yearn to be that Proverbs 31 woman, we have a few things to change.

We are women.
Women who are conquerors, not victims.
Women who are pure, not dirty.
Women who are positive, not defeated.
Women who are beautiful despite outward appearances.

Lets rise up as women of strength.