Age. Is it just a number?

Sometimes I forget I'm only 19.

I'm still a baby in this big ole world yet I have such big, grown up dreams and thoughts and anxieties. 

Ya know, I feel like I never really was a teenager. And maybe this is totally wrong, but I feel like I went from being a pre-teen obsessed with crazy rock bands and silly boys to being a young woman with too many heavy thoughts.  I never experienced those wild teen days because I always looked at all the crazy people around me and felt completely out of place. And I honestly never did feel like I could be myself around the majority of my classmates because (and don't take this in a high and mighty way) I just felt like I was older than them. This is not to say I didn't make any teenage-esque decisions during this time, but more than anything I wanted to make grown up decisions when I was only 16. 

And I think that it was slightly sad that I wanted to be so grown up so young because now I'm terrified of growing up. Sure, I look forward to things like moving Into my own place and finding a career and getting married one day... But in just a few months I won't be considered a teenager anymore. I'm in that in-between stage. I'm not really a self-guided adult yet but I'm not a kid either (not that I ever was the past 5 years). And I'm scared of the future. 

My perspective on life has radically changed for me in the past year, heck, the past 2 months even. 

I have no idea what God is doing. 

Have absolutely no idea where and what He wants me to be in the future. 

Im just riding this tidal wave of life at the moment and I've never been happier. Even though I am so so so scared, I am so so so happy. I spent my teenage years  planning out who I want to be and now I'm leaving the teenage years with the knowledge that who I want to be is only who God makes me to be and it is completely out of my control. 

Age is a number. Higher numbers normally have more substance, more weightiness. Lower numbers are the easy     ones. You try to jump into a math problem with the number 87 and you're gonna have a tougher time than if you only had to deal with simple 20. With a number like 20 in any problem, you're a self-proclaimed math genius.

I realize the older I get, the harder my "math problems" will be. Not just because my brain cells are dying and my senility will cause me to suck at math but also life gets harder after 20, so I hear.

Despite my slight anxiety over aging, I do look forward to what God will accomplish in and through my life. I am expectant because I've seen what He can do and what He does is amazing. 

No matter your age, 15 or 55, be expectant of Gods power in your life. You may be in the easy times of your life or you may be in your darkest days. Know that clinging to Him as a soul in need of it's Savior instead of an age number surrounded by boundaries will bring the greatest amount of joy.

The Devil's Chokehold

Realism.

Its something I've grown to hate. I hate the phrase "Be realistic." because it has such a negative connotation. To be realistic in this world means that you must realize and expect the worst to come. And even I have been a preacher of this and it shames me.

 

Sometimes our circumstances have shaped our thought processes. We've been disappointed time and time again and we can only wait on disappointment to come once more. And I believe this is where the Devil's chokehold is. Every time that I expect the worst to happen, I am telling God how little faith I have in Him. I'm essentially putting Him in a box because I cannot trust Him enough to run rampant through my circumstances and make everything beautiful in its time. No, by holding onto my 'realism', I am discrediting the power of His existence.

 

I have all of the resources and experiences to know that this reality that I so often believe in is not the reality of God. He has brought me through the tough times and has made my life beautiful through the disappointments and trials. To expect the worst when He has brought me through my worst is blatantly ignoring His awesome power. We can only fit so much into our tiny little brains and so often we choose to fill it with the negativity of this world. But there is joy in Christ and in all circumstances, we should look for that joy.

 

Colossians 3:1 says, Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand. 

 

The love of Christ is not too good to be true, therefore His blessings are not too good to be true. Christ's love is the ultimate truth, the ultimate reality. Sometimes I have to remind myself to let a good thing be a good thing, don't wait on catastrophe, don't wait on something negative to take its place.

Wait on the Lord. Because if He puts something good into your life, He meant it to be there.

Continue to wait on the Lord when there is something negative in your life. Those are the times when you need to seek His face the most and those are the times that you desperately desire to understand His character. In those times, I learn so much about my Heavenly Father. And one of the greatest things that I have found in those times is that my Holy Daddy supercedes all of reality, all of my realism, all of my fears and doubts... He is God and He holds the whole world in His hands. He is the reality, the beginning and the end.

 

Today is one of those days where I just feel down. Everybody has them. Sometimes it's hard to stay positive in a negative world. But Christ calls me to find joy in my emotional roller coaster, to search for peace despite my chaotic mind. On days like these I have to step away from it all and look for a new perspective. Whether it's sitting outside Starbucks and reading Gods word or walking around a random place and people watching, Gods presence can be found anywhere. And where He is, there is peace. The devil's chokehold has no power where He is. And the reality is that I have a reason to be joyful and expectant of good things- I have a friend in Jesus, the man who died for me and makes all things new.