Saturday, January 10, 2015

It's hard to be 20.

I remember being 17 and all of my fellow 17-year-olds were so excited about turning 18. It meant that you were an "adult", that you could make your own decisions. You could buy a lottery ticket, you could take up smoking if you wanted to be dumb, heck, you could go clubbing.
And I was excited too. I knew I wasn't going to participate in all of that but it was nice to know I had the option, I guess. The idea of growing up is fun and exciting. The actual act of growing up-- not so much. I hated being 18. I hated being 19. And now, 20 isn't that great either.
See, I hate this in-between age. I would either like to be a child again, or just go ahead and be a full-blown adult. This is not to say I was unhappy or am unhappy because I am incandescently happy BUT, there is a conundrum in being 18 or 19 or even 20.


You've heard it before. How can someone be called an adult when they still have to ask to go to the restroom? 
You're still in high school when all you wanna do is get out and start your life. Somebody got the idea to say that 18 is the beginning of adulthood when in actuality you can't make adult decisions yet. Sure, you could get a part-time job. You could pay your phone bill and your car payment. Make your own decisions? Not quite yet. You can choose where you're going to put yourself into debt in the future (aka college). 
You're told to be an adult but still treated like a child. 


You're a college freshie. Real life begins to bloom. 
FREEDOM!!! ...until you run out of funds. Bring out the Ramen. But you really want to splurge on Amelies French Bakery. 
They say college is where you become your own person and thats true-- until you come back home. Back in the hometown, you feel like the same teenager who couldn't make her own decisions. Its a sad unfortunate truth when you feel ready to take off on your own.
You begin to realize that real life, as real as it can get life, is in the near future. 
Is your major going to get you anywhere, career-wise?
Are you ever going to find a man?
Are you going to be a lady with 27 cats (or bunnies) in debt up to your knees?
So you make a life plan. 
I have __ years to find my future husband. I must make ___ amount of money to get through next semester. I must save $___ for future traveling, emergencies, life, etc. I'm going to live in ___ when I move out of Mom & Dad's. This plan. That plan. Life. Life. Life. 


You realize that like all the other times you made plans for the future, they get broken. 
You're suddenly not a teenager anymore, not that you were in your own mind. But everyone else seems to still perceive you as one. 
Not much is different from 19. Worries about the future are ever-present. 
The inner struggle of being who you want to be and pleasing other people is present. 
Peer pressure isn't quite from people your age anymore. 
Impress and please the elders or please your inner calling?
Either you are feeling incredibly lonely and are secretly in search of Mr. Right or suddenly Mr. Right comes right into your life. 
You've found your someone... now what? Serious relationships in college are hard to juggle.
Life tells you to be cynical, but you want to be carefree.
You're in your 20's now, for goodness sake, thats when you find adventure, right?

I have friends who are 21, 22, 45, 60... but no matter the age, I think sometimes you find yourself in a hard situation. Life is not meant to be easy. Its meant to be worth it.

As I get older, I'm finding that the more plans that get broken, the more fulfilling my life becomes.

Some people fear surprises, but sometimes we should embrace them.

Expectations are the root of all evil.

So, fellow 20-somethings, maybe we should stop expecting for tomorrow and just live happy today.