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Saturday, January 10, 2015

It's hard to be 20.

I remember being 17 and all of my fellow 17-year-olds were so excited about turning 18. It meant that you were an "adult", that you could make your own decisions. You could buy a lottery ticket, you could take up smoking if you wanted to be dumb, heck, you could go clubbing.
And I was excited too. I knew I wasn't going to participate in all of that but it was nice to know I had the option, I guess. The idea of growing up is fun and exciting. The actual act of growing up-- not so much. I hated being 18. I hated being 19. And now, 20 isn't that great either.
See, I hate this in-between age. I would either like to be a child again, or just go ahead and be a full-blown adult. This is not to say I was unhappy or am unhappy because I am incandescently happy BUT, there is a conundrum in being 18 or 19 or even 20.


You've heard it before. How can someone be called an adult when they still have to ask to go to the restroom? 
You're still in high school when all you wanna do is get out and start your life. Somebody got the idea to say that 18 is the beginning of adulthood when in actuality you can't make adult decisions yet. Sure, you could get a part-time job. You could pay your phone bill and your car payment. Make your own decisions? Not quite yet. You can choose where you're going to put yourself into debt in the future (aka college). 
You're told to be an adult but still treated like a child. 


You're a college freshie. Real life begins to bloom. 
FREEDOM!!! ...until you run out of funds. Bring out the Ramen. But you really want to splurge on Amelies French Bakery. 
They say college is where you become your own person and thats true-- until you come back home. Back in the hometown, you feel like the same teenager who couldn't make her own decisions. Its a sad unfortunate truth when you feel ready to take off on your own.
You begin to realize that real life, as real as it can get life, is in the near future. 
Is your major going to get you anywhere, career-wise?
Are you ever going to find a man?
Are you going to be a lady with 27 cats (or bunnies) in debt up to your knees?
So you make a life plan. 
I have __ years to find my future husband. I must make ___ amount of money to get through next semester. I must save $___ for future traveling, emergencies, life, etc. I'm going to live in ___ when I move out of Mom & Dad's. This plan. That plan. Life. Life. Life. 


You realize that like all the other times you made plans for the future, they get broken. 
You're suddenly not a teenager anymore, not that you were in your own mind. But everyone else seems to still perceive you as one. 
Not much is different from 19. Worries about the future are ever-present. 
The inner struggle of being who you want to be and pleasing other people is present. 
Peer pressure isn't quite from people your age anymore. 
Impress and please the elders or please your inner calling?
Either you are feeling incredibly lonely and are secretly in search of Mr. Right or suddenly Mr. Right comes right into your life. 
You've found your someone... now what? Serious relationships in college are hard to juggle.
Life tells you to be cynical, but you want to be carefree.
You're in your 20's now, for goodness sake, thats when you find adventure, right?

I have friends who are 21, 22, 45, 60... but no matter the age, I think sometimes you find yourself in a hard situation. Life is not meant to be easy. Its meant to be worth it.

As I get older, I'm finding that the more plans that get broken, the more fulfilling my life becomes.

Some people fear surprises, but sometimes we should embrace them.

Expectations are the root of all evil.

So, fellow 20-somethings, maybe we should stop expecting for tomorrow and just live happy today.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Hard questions. Not the right answers.

Sometimes we have questions about life.

Its purpose, maybe.
~Why am I really here? What is my destiny? Do I have an impact on this earth? ~

Why we're going through a particular season, perhaps.
~I don't understand what's going on. I'm at a loss for words. I'm so confused. ~

Maybe even the very essence of living.
~How does one become so unhappy? How do I make it through the tough days? I need something to tell me that its worth it. ~

We ask hard questions about hard times, hard choices, hard lives.
And we are sure to get answers. Beaucoup's of answers (thats French for a lot, by the way).

I'm here to say that maybe, just maybe, we already have the answer we're looking for.
We just look for the right-off of this answer. We have this little murmur in our hearts that we don't quite believe because we want that little murmur to be a loud voice speaking over our lives. Tell me this little murmur is true. Give me a word of affirmation.

And maybe this isn't true for everyone because everyone thinks differently.
I'm sure there are those that don't need to be answered because they've already made their decision.
I'm sure there are those that don't ask the questions because they might not want to know the answer.

But sometimes, we ask hard questions- REALLY hard questions that some people might not have ever thought of before. Our minds are consumed with knowing the answer. We cannot rest until the answer is found. And we search and we search for the answer. Give me the answer!
Its exhausting and downright mentally derating.
Because some questions we ask will not ever be given the right answer.
Perhaps our piddly brains can't conjure up something good enough.
Perhaps we know the answer we want to receive and nothing except that answer will be good enough.

Some people would say: "Find the answer in the Bible."
And you search. You become dismayed at your findings because your question is not being answered.  You keep searching. Is this verse close to my topic? Oh, but I'm still so confused! I can't find an answer! Because maybe the Bible can't answer all of our questions. Maybe it wasn't meant to. In fact, I don't think it was.

God, give me the answer.

Patience, my child.

I don't have all the answers. I can't get the answers to my questions right when I want them. And maybe some of my questions will not be answered until I face my Savior face-to-face.

But know this, there is nothing wrong with asking hard questions. There is nothing wrong with finding yourself at a dead end after chasing an answer you can't find.
Don't let it derail you. Don't let it consume your mind. There are just some things we can't understand and won't understand.

When you can't find your answer, just live.
One day, you'll stop asking.
One day, your answer will come.

But for goodness sake, live.